Fear of Anger

To sense light and dark. To stand it. To feel afraid and powerful. To see this view.

To sense light and dark. To stand it. To feel afraid and powerful. To see this view.

I feel my body jazzing caffeine, anxiety, fear, and racing thoughts as I hurried to arrive this morning to this gathering. Now sitting here but my mind scattered like fallen glitter.

“I give my mind permission to get out of the way” we say as we tap out head and heart, “I give my mind permission to get out of the way.” (Even when it feels impossible like right now)

‘Fear of Anger’ arrives for the group Matrix session—what does that mean? What does that mean to me in this current moment, sitting in a circle of eight beautiful women-artists on a cold rainy Saturday at Succurro?

What does fear of anger mean to me right now?

·      I know anger is active

·      What does anger ask?  “Anger, why are you here?”

·      What if anger wants only permission to be felt? “I give myself permission to feel my anger.”

o   Reparations of feelings

·      What does anger feel like? Fire, Dischord, Fear

·      What is under anger? Fear

Anger is a messenger—I need to have courage to ask, “Why are you here?”

Courage to feel.

“I give myself permission to feel afraid” “I give myself permission to make mistakes” “I give myself permission to share my feelings” “I give myself permission to share my sense of something with others”

The sense of smell arrives in the matrix as being blocked—when you smell a rat, smell something fishy—when your sense of right and wrong, safe and unsafe is blocked. 

Clear sense = Clarity

Clarity = Ease

Anger growing from murkiness  (FEAR: You can’t see, don’t know, vulnerable)

Ease: “I give myself permission to not know” “I give myself permission to feel afraid” “I give myself permission to be vulnerable” “I give myself permission to be truth-full”

o   Reparations of feelings

Resolution is clear the third Chakra—the source of personal power, confidence, self-esteem. To be proactive versus reactive or inactive.

What does fear of anger mean to me right now?

If I listen to my anger, if I feel my anger, I will know it’s message—then I will need to be proactive versus reactive or inactive—then I will face uncertain outcomes which may hurt others which in turn may hurt me.

I am afraid of hurting others

I am afraid of being responsible for hurting others. (Irresponsible)

I act responsibly by sharing my sense of something

“I give myself permission to share my feelings and ideas truthfully and carefully”

“I give myself permission to feel afraid”

“I encourage clarity of communication by taking responsibility for expressing my own feelings and sense of situation truthfully”

“I listen to other’s feelings without adopting them as my sole responsibility to resolve.”

We breathe in shared air, we are breathed into together---we share responsibility for creating conditions of ease and clarity, by being responsible to express ourselves with one another. To breathe out.

 Hold your breath=block (Fear of anger)

“I give myself permission to breathe freely”

And so now, I am sitting here at Succurro breathing. I am in my body. The glitter of my mind is resting like a rippling lake. I feel afraid. I feel comforted. I feel my body. I feel grateful for the opportunity to be here. I feel grateful to recognize what my fear of anger is and I feel grateful for third chakra clearing.

Later I feel grateful for golden tomato soup, golden sunlit conversations with artists, Goldie leading us in drawing exercises, and giving and receiving Source Point healing sessions.

Dawn Breeze