Begin from within
On December 2018 I hosted a 9 hour shared practice session which I called Maratón de Trabajo/// SERmoverHACERtejerRESPIRARsolxsJUNTXS.
This was part of my fellowship project, and something I had been wanting to explore for a long time.
I proposed it as:
a marathon of slow work
an open studio
a safe space for expanding awareness
an invitation to accompany each other in the practice, in work/life
there was a ‘score’:
designed moments for the beginning, middle and end of each session/round, and for the ceremony in general
an improvisation/response to the elements present
In preparation for this event I found myself feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I was juggling end of year deadlines and commitments during a period of big life transitions.
I could recognize that I was in an uncomfortable and intense emotional space .
But/and I felt sure that this event should happen then, as it would allow me to continue my exploration of hosting space to be and work together, while engaging with self-care and self-inquiry tools and processes…
There was conflict between those two situations.
A) Where I was personally (inside)
B) What I wanted to do professionally (outside), plus what it required?
During my 1:1 session a few days prior to the scheduled event some of these questions arose:
What if I design the session for myself, thinking about what processes and practices could be helpful for me in this moment?
What way of processing is useful to me?
What actions do I want to include?
How do I work with myself?
What questions am I asking myself about myself before going into these kind of experiences?
What happens to me in this work with other people?
What useful information is coming out (about myself) from being in the experience (as a host, and as a participant)?
What does it mean to hold space for others?
Attempting to answer them brought amazing clarity for that time, and has also continued to allow me to have other considerations when approaching my work— to this day.
Now, a few months after that event, after having hosted other participatory sessions, and having worked solo; I can say that through the fellowship program I have more publicly and formally been able to see my art practice as -both- my personal development practice, and a self-care and community healing tool. And, that (at least for me, here, now) it is of outmost importance to begin from within; asking more often what kind of process(es) do I need in order to process whatever it is that needs digesting? Because, how can I take care of other people if I am not taking care of my-self?
Both in our one-on-one, and group sessions the concept of response-ability keeps coming up.
Response-ability is about being honest with oneself, and it seems like that honesty is also the first thing we need in order to hold space for others.
Fortunately, the fellowship has helped me to re-commit to regular self-care practices such as meditation, and exercise, and deepening my learning-of and experimentation-with SourcePoint. Through these I can be more present/honest with my own self, and show up for others also in a more present/honest way. It is a practice