the upper hemisphere
I'm sitting in the kitchen of the house we just bought, first chair on the left. It's big, with too many cabinets, and somehow I find a way to complain about this. I took great joy when we moved in stages, in separating out necessities from the rest of the stuff -- how much we actually use every day is spare, simple, easy. Same repetitive breakfast, and a variation for lunch and dinner.
I spent the day working on the treatment room. We do a matrix session every morning now, and the priority that came up was this space. If we want to be in East Meredith full time, this makes sense. It feels good being messy, not showering for days, wearing the same pants and sweater daily. No one sees me, I am free.
And then I recognize (again, again, again) my nodal axis floundering around in it's habitual pleasure, not freedom. For those not familiar, I will go through this in another post. But in short : the place you fall back on in familiarity but keeps you stuck, versus the most challenging place perpetuating growth.
I've spent countless hours contemplating a Pluto conjunct south node Scorpio/north node Taurus, sitting right on the IC/MC, square Jupiter in 6th. I am intimate with it, I nurture it, I get to the bottom of it, transform what needs to, and....am totally stuck in digging for the root (Scorpio) collecting data about my environment but keeping it at arms length to maintain comfort in my internal emotional world (cusp 3rd/4th house), stopped dead in my tracks in fear of judgement and differing beliefs (sq Jupiter 6th). Mhm.
My chart is also hemispheric -- there is nothing above the horizon, except for the north node on the MC, and Chiron : an overemphasis on inner development, and discomfort with bringing that out into the world, a deeper wound related to fitting in and communication. The point here is not my chart, but creating this section of 'words' to embark on more freely and courageously sharing, is A BIG DEAL. I have no idea what this space will be yet, but I know that what I encourage in others I ought to allow for myself (thanks, Chiron.)
2017 was not bad or good, but was quite painful and quite joyful. Through what we face personally and collectively, I trust 2018 will bring an embrace of what we do not know and learning to live new solutions daily, every single minute. HAPPY NEW YEAR & FULL MOON. Here's to committing to our own healing, so that we can be more present, supportive, and humane to everyone involved.